Forgiving Our Fathers & Mothers
Just a few weeks ago a friend told me of a woman she met that had become a Christian nearly 20 years ago, but due to unforgiveness toward her mother had walked away from the Lord. A pamphlet written by Mart DeHaan published by RBC Ministries gave me a whole new outlook on how we see our parents. The article, "Our Fathers" told a story about a writer whose alcoholic mother took all the money he'd saved from a job he had as a youth and spent it on alcohol. At a young age he already loved to write and was saving the money for a typewriter. His father, a janitor, found out what happened and used his hard-earned money to purchase the boy a typewriter.
As years went by the father never read or commented on any of the man's articles or books. He got bitter about this, even on the father's death bed, when he handed the father a book he'd just finished and the father laid it down without looking through it. Upon his father's death as he went through signed paperwork of his father's he noticed his father did not sign any of the contracts, but only marked them with an "X." His father could neither read nor write!
Mart DeHaan makes the following comments about this story: Few things in life are more important than the ability to be at peace with thoughts and memories of our moms and dads. Yet because of our own unmet longings for approval, feelings of hurt and resentment can linger without the kind of understanding that ended up meaning so much to Myers (author in the story).
It might help us to know that our parents are probably more like Myers' father--and like us (needy, broken, and with unmet longings)--than we ever dreamed or imagined...Such realism does not require us to dishonor our parents. What it can do, however, is to help us avoid a tendency to either idealize or dehumanize them...Some of us may need to lower our expectations of our parents so that we can see past them to the Father who made us for Himself (John 14:8-9).
As years went by the father never read or commented on any of the man's articles or books. He got bitter about this, even on the father's death bed, when he handed the father a book he'd just finished and the father laid it down without looking through it. Upon his father's death as he went through signed paperwork of his father's he noticed his father did not sign any of the contracts, but only marked them with an "X." His father could neither read nor write!
Mart DeHaan makes the following comments about this story: Few things in life are more important than the ability to be at peace with thoughts and memories of our moms and dads. Yet because of our own unmet longings for approval, feelings of hurt and resentment can linger without the kind of understanding that ended up meaning so much to Myers (author in the story).
It might help us to know that our parents are probably more like Myers' father--and like us (needy, broken, and with unmet longings)--than we ever dreamed or imagined...Such realism does not require us to dishonor our parents. What it can do, however, is to help us avoid a tendency to either idealize or dehumanize them...Some of us may need to lower our expectations of our parents so that we can see past them to the Father who made us for Himself (John 14:8-9).
John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”
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| Love you Mom! |
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| Love you Dad! |
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