Healthy Relationships
At our conference this weekend, one of the pastors from our church spoke about building healthy relationships. As a woman, I'm all about relationships, Pastor Ric offered wise counsel in his presentation so I'm sharing his outline below:
I. We are all created with a need for intimacy. The result of unmet intimacy needs is either addictions or codependency. If our intimacy needs are not met in a healthy way, we will settle for an unhealthy way.
(Gen. 2:8; Phil. 1:8; I Thes. 4:9)
II. The experience of pain is not a unique human experience.
A. Pain is a result of our fallen condition, although not necessarily due to sin in our lives, but due to the fallen world we live in.
B. Our faith doesn't make us immune to pain. There's a misconception that if I'm spiritual enough, I won't have pain or be hurt.
C. Even Jesus experienced pain and suffering.
Pain tends to make us withdraw, but God's plan is different, as each part of the body suffers we can actually become more relatable, bringing us together in relationships. (I Cor. 12:26)
III. Developing responsible relationships~
Emphasize intimacy in the light of suffering. Pained people may want to push you away. We may need to reach through their pain to help them.
A. Admit (to pain) (Ps. 139:23-24) Sometimes Christians would rather admit to sin, than to pain in their lives. Anxious thoughts are where our pain is. (Luke 22:42; Matthew 27:46; John 4:6)
B. Submit (to others in your pain)-(Eph. 5:21) If you are hurting, it's humbling to take help.
For the hurting person, submission comes by receiving what is being given. (Matt. 13:14-15)
For the helper, submission comes by "bearing the burden." (Gal. 6:2)
C. Commit (to helping the hurting)-(Rom. 15:1-2) For the Christian, there is no option but to willingly choose to bear others burdens.
Some burdens are "boulders," which others need help getting off of them. Some burdens are "knapsacks," which each person needs to carry for themselves. Help with "boulders," but let others help themselves with "knapsacks."
The body is built on commitment, not commonalities. Just because someone isn't like you, doesn't mean you shouldn't help them.
The body is built on obedience (to God), not conveniences. The world says if a relationship is not convenient, you need to do away with it.
IV. Setting clear boundaries~
A. Don't make decisions for others. Offer to pray, lead, encourage, exhort, but do not make their decisions, because if things go wrong, they will hold you responsible and take no responsibility for their own behaviors.
B. Admit you don't know it all. Encourage them to be in God's Word and have a multitude of counselors.
C. Know when to refer:
1. Medical issues-Don't try to be a doctor, unless you are one.
2. Psychotic symptoms-If the person is losing touch with reality, again call an expert.
3. Beyond your experience-Direct them to someone with more experience in the area of their needs.
4. Abuse-physical, sexual, emotional, etc., needs to be referred to proper authorities.
5. Threat to self or others-If suicidal, call the police or health care professionals to get them assistance.
V. The Biblical Mandate-from the book, Mark of the Christian by John Staut
A. The standard of quality-(John 13:35)
By our love, the world has the right to judge whether or not we are his (Christ's) disciples.
B. The Final Apologetic-(John 17:21)
By our love, the world has the right to judge whether or not Jesus is God's son.
Did you ever stop to think that your relationships with others are validity to the world of Christ or not?
**I took this information from my personal notes on May 12, 2012, if any of this information does not accurately represent Pastor Ric's presentation or beliefs, that onus is upon me. KT
***I am taking a break and will not be posting on my blog until June 1, 2012 (Lord willing). May God bless each of you with His wisdom, discernment, mercy and grace during my absence & always. KT
I. We are all created with a need for intimacy. The result of unmet intimacy needs is either addictions or codependency. If our intimacy needs are not met in a healthy way, we will settle for an unhealthy way.
(Gen. 2:8; Phil. 1:8; I Thes. 4:9)
II. The experience of pain is not a unique human experience.
A. Pain is a result of our fallen condition, although not necessarily due to sin in our lives, but due to the fallen world we live in.
B. Our faith doesn't make us immune to pain. There's a misconception that if I'm spiritual enough, I won't have pain or be hurt.
C. Even Jesus experienced pain and suffering.
Pain tends to make us withdraw, but God's plan is different, as each part of the body suffers we can actually become more relatable, bringing us together in relationships. (I Cor. 12:26)
III. Developing responsible relationships~
Emphasize intimacy in the light of suffering. Pained people may want to push you away. We may need to reach through their pain to help them.
A. Admit (to pain) (Ps. 139:23-24) Sometimes Christians would rather admit to sin, than to pain in their lives. Anxious thoughts are where our pain is. (Luke 22:42; Matthew 27:46; John 4:6)
B. Submit (to others in your pain)-(Eph. 5:21) If you are hurting, it's humbling to take help.
For the hurting person, submission comes by receiving what is being given. (Matt. 13:14-15)
For the helper, submission comes by "bearing the burden." (Gal. 6:2)
C. Commit (to helping the hurting)-(Rom. 15:1-2) For the Christian, there is no option but to willingly choose to bear others burdens.
Some burdens are "boulders," which others need help getting off of them. Some burdens are "knapsacks," which each person needs to carry for themselves. Help with "boulders," but let others help themselves with "knapsacks."
The body is built on commitment, not commonalities. Just because someone isn't like you, doesn't mean you shouldn't help them.
The body is built on obedience (to God), not conveniences. The world says if a relationship is not convenient, you need to do away with it.
IV. Setting clear boundaries~
A. Don't make decisions for others. Offer to pray, lead, encourage, exhort, but do not make their decisions, because if things go wrong, they will hold you responsible and take no responsibility for their own behaviors.
B. Admit you don't know it all. Encourage them to be in God's Word and have a multitude of counselors.
C. Know when to refer:
1. Medical issues-Don't try to be a doctor, unless you are one.
2. Psychotic symptoms-If the person is losing touch with reality, again call an expert.
3. Beyond your experience-Direct them to someone with more experience in the area of their needs.
4. Abuse-physical, sexual, emotional, etc., needs to be referred to proper authorities.
5. Threat to self or others-If suicidal, call the police or health care professionals to get them assistance.
V. The Biblical Mandate-from the book, Mark of the Christian by John Staut
A. The standard of quality-(John 13:35)
By our love, the world has the right to judge whether or not we are his (Christ's) disciples.
B. The Final Apologetic-(John 17:21)
By our love, the world has the right to judge whether or not Jesus is God's son.
Did you ever stop to think that your relationships with others are validity to the world of Christ or not?
**I took this information from my personal notes on May 12, 2012, if any of this information does not accurately represent Pastor Ric's presentation or beliefs, that onus is upon me. KT
***I am taking a break and will not be posting on my blog until June 1, 2012 (Lord willing). May God bless each of you with His wisdom, discernment, mercy and grace during my absence & always. KT
Boulder in Aruba, much bigger than most knapsacks:)
John 17: 20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one — 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
24 “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
thanks Kate...great info. Some of that I recognize from our "boundaries" study. Learning healthy boundaries is a work in progress for me. The tablescape is beautiful. Good job.:)
ReplyDelete