I Don't Want to!

    Recently, due to a stomach flair up, I had to take this yucky medicine for a follow up CT scan. The medicine was thick and cloyingly sweet, plus I had to drink a quart of it. I told my husband, "I don't want to!" I knew I sounded like a spoiled child. I wanted the results without the necessary steps to get them.  

    I prayed, "Lord, help me do this, as I just don't want to," and he did. I eventually got it down with only a few shuddering moments. Lately, many times, I just want to throw up my hands and say, "I don't want to!" Is this a lack of patience, momentum, perseverance, maturity or "the last straw"? 

    On the news and social media, I read about people "losing it" on planes and in stores, and frankly, part of me says, "I get it!" It's not okay, because the poor person at the brunt of the bad behavior likely doesn't deserve it. But people, me included, are not navigating this "new normal" well. 

    I missed a recent class reunion and was told by another classmate that "several" people had died from suicide in our class and the class behind us. How sad. At some point these precious people said, "I don't want to! I don't want to live anymore!" and either no one could help or they didn't ask for help, or whatever else convinced them to end their lives happened. 

    In Psalm 34:17-20, David reminds us about a God who is near to those who are at their wits end, "When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken." 

    Even when we feel broken, God is a God for those who are "crushed in spirit." I've heard several analogies to this idea of being "crushed in spirit," and one speaks to me as I like to cook (or possibly just love to eat!). Herbs are most fragrant when they have been crushed. Our own lives are more "fragrant" when we have experienced crushing moments. Why? Because unless we know the feeling of being broken, we can never come alongside those who are also broken and offer support. 

    God wants us to serve one another. It is much easier to serve, when we have experienced a lot of things we "didn't want to do," as it gives us empathy for people going through those same experiences. Grapes must be crushed to produce sweet juices, olives must be crushed to produce soothing oils, and we must be crushed to produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit, especially long-suffering/patience and love. 

   James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.