Grief Too Deep

I had lunch with a woman yesterday who lost her 13 year old child six years ago. She is a shell of a woman, no friends, no close relatives, doing only what she needs to pay the bills. I asked her how she was doing and her response was that she missed her child. She is making monuments to her child in her home. And she noted when I asked her about friends, that she was too sad. Apparently meaning, that it's difficult to make friends when you just are too full of grief to give anything away to others. 

Like any good thing, friendships require tending and time. Not unlike a garden, you can't just toss seeds out on top of the soil and hope that your crops will sow themselves, grow deep roots, and produce a harvest. But what if you don't have the energy to till the ground and break up the clods of dirt that threaten to block your seedlings journey into the light? What if you don't have a watering system that automatically provides the essence of life to your plants, but instead requires you to tote buckets of water over to the garden? That's a lot of work, especially if you really don't have the will to make it happen, or if you are just too sad. 

When you are too sad, many things do not seem possible. So then what? Experts tell you to exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, maybe even go to a counselor or doctor, get medicine for anxiety or depression. Any or all of these suggestions may work, but how do you do any of them, when you are "too sad"? See this is what people that aren't sad or depressed or filled with grief fail to understand, and you realize that when they start by saying, "Just..." Just, do this or that, and you'll be better. Or worse, they say, "Just get over it!" Really, that works? If it did work, how come someone didn't say something sooner? Because most of us, including this woman, would rather not be sad. 

I read a quote the other day that said something about being who you were before you were depressed. Huh? I'm sure they thought that was enlightening, but again, she's not that person anymore. Life has dealt her and many of us things that change who we are at our very core, we aren't who we were anymore. So now what? I'm sorry to say, I don't know what will work for you or anyone else. I only know me and frankly, not very well. But for me, prayer helps. 

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am able to lean into the One who went to the cross for me. He knew I wouldn't be able to do many things in this world on my own, so He knocked on the door of my life and I opened it...eventually. My first 25 years of life, I tried going it on my own, but finally I was just too sad. Too many of my choices had caused me, (and others since sin causes collateral damage), grief, despair, and heartache. There was not enough alcohol, parties, and risk-taking around to lift my sadness, so I figured, "What do I have to lose? I've tried everything else, maybe Jesus is the answer." And for me, He was and has been for 37 years now.

Have I been sad since I became a Christian? Of course, I unfortunately am human and as such carry DNA that wants to make bad choices and do bad things or just isn't able to overcome bad things that happen to me in a healthy way. But, prayer helps. Giving up my sadness to Jesus Christ and asking Him to take it away and bring me joy in the morning, helps. I don't have the answers, but God does. He really does and wants us to bring our questions, concerns, and sadness to Him. Try it, open the door, and let Him in. It can't hurt and it will most likely help. Sending prayers your way...in case you are just "too sad" today to pray for yourself. I understand. I get it. 

Psalm 30:5 For his [God's] anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.